In the 1980’s and 90’s, propaganda flooded our televisions and schools with Nancy Reagan’s Just say no campaign. Posters of her trademarked slogan were permanent fixtures on school doors and classroom walls. Extracurricular clubs empowered kids to Just say no to drugs.
Let me be very clear, I am in no way comparing drugs use to volunteering at my kids school. That would be utterly ridiculous. However, when we are asked to volunteer in every aspect of our extremely busy lives, it is important to remember this slogan. It is ok, even if it does not make us popular, to Just say no.
Right now you are probably thinking…
But, my best mom friend is chairing an event and I truly want to help her out because I know how busy she is – even though I am also barely hanging onto the end of my rope with ::insert list of 389+ to-do items::…
But, I excel at planning parties so I know I will be helpful and I don’t want to hurt their feelings – even though I am stretching myself so thin that I legitimately don’t have time in the day to complete my current priorities…
But, I feel like I need to volunteer at school because it is my duty as a parent – even though I absolutely hate what I volunteered for and will resent every minute of it…
But, I really do enjoy baking for the bake sale – I will just have to bake at 2 am because that is the only time I have available…
But. But. But.
I get it, you are an amazing, generous person who puts others above yourself. We absolutely LOVE you for that.
But…
It is important to know if you truly want to do what is being asked of you.
Here are 5 questions to ask yourself before saying “Yes.”
- Are you saying “Hell Yeah!” to the idea?
- Is the volunteer opportunity so exciting that you can’t wait to get started?
- Does it spark your inner fire and give you energy?
- Does it genuinely make your heart happy?
- Is there an aspect of it that brings you joy and makes you smile?
For me, teaching art to my kiddo’s class brings me great joy. Taking thirty minutes to introduce the students to a cool painting technique popularized by a famous artist is awesome! As a bonus, I get to see my child in their classroom! It makes my kid happy and it makes me happy! It’s a WIN-WIN!
However, if you ask me to collect donations to this year’s tricky tray fundraiser… oh, hell no! I hate, with a passion, asking people for free stuff.
Last week, the head honcho of a banquet committee from a well known club sent me a letter. As a leader, it was apparently my duty to sell two-hundred (TWO-HUNDRED!) 50/50 raffle tickets at $5.00 a pop. In addition, the letter stated it was my responsibility to solicit a gift valued at $100 or more for their silent auction. Little do they know, this falls under my Over My Dead Body category. I feel a slight amount of guilt, but those pesky raffle tickets, which were mailed to me without my consent, are lost amongst the piles of common core math on my kitchen island. Come to think of it, my husband may have donated them to our trash can.
What if you aren’t over the moon about the volunteer opportunity but you don’t hate it either? If this how you are feeling about a specific request, let me reassure you; there is someone out there who truly loves doing what is being asked of you. This task, which you are doing out of obligation will honestly bring another parent joy. My love for being the classroom art docent, for example, is polar opposite to a close friend of mine. She thinks teaching the kids an art project is, quite possibly, the worst job on the volunteer list. Likewise, she is exceptional at fundraising and soliciting donations. So, back to question #1 above, are you cheering “Hell Yeah?” If not, then pass the job to the person cheering “Hell Yeah!”
Now that we have defined what is a true “Yes!” in your book, here are 3 tried and true ways to say “No.”
OPTION 1:
Two years ago, a friendly parent tutored me as we walked to pick-up.
This is how you say no… “No.”
Let’s say it together, “No.”
Now, you try, “No.”
It is simplistic, but it gets to the grit of the Just say no campaign.
OPTION 2:
For me, saying “no” is a little too harsh. I have an Emily Post complex. If you also can’t say “no,” then try the polite route. Say, “no, thank you.”
You may be flattered that the HSA President asked you to join the ranks of Bagel Day. You can be thankful that someone thought of you while you say no. Maybe right now isn’t a good time. You can say “No, thank you for thinking of me. Now isn’t a good time. If you need help in the future definitely keep me in mind.” That is exactly how I respond job recruiters when their timing is off. This is no different.
You can specify a month when you have more time to volunteer. You can state an activity which will spark your inner fire. Do you enjoy DIY projects? Tell them, “Year book isn’t a good fit, but if you need help decorating a door for teacher appreciation week, count me in!” Or, if you don’t want to help in any way, that is OK! Say, “I’m flattered but, no thank you. I don’t have the time to give it 100%.”
OPTION 3:
If being polite still gives you a case of guilty gut, then you can help your fellow parents out while also saying no. “I can’t help you with this, but ::insert name:: works in sales. I bet she will be a great fit for selling ad space in the school directory.”
You helped them with naming someone who will be perfect for the job, while also saying no.
Guilty gut, be gone!
Did you say “no” and live to tell about it? Share your experiences in the comments below.